Neil would describe himself as a blessed man: father to three beautiful daughters and husband of twenty-five years to a woman he loves and admires. He is also a musician, a Christian, a dog-lover, and a valued employee. All these things are true, and looking at him, are unsurprising; with his calming demeanour and warm smile, why shouldn’t he be those things?
However, Neil has lived two very different lives, and the Neil you see today – reliable, loving, trustworthy – is a far cry from the man who thought that he would die on the streets, seeking escape through drug use. He is also different from the man who was able to get off the streets and settled down, but was still dependant on prescription drugs, sleeping pills and antidepressants. So, how did this “final Neil” come to be? One word: Jesus.
Neil first heard the Gospel when he was in the thick of his addiction, going through a four-year revolving door of sofa surfing, hostels and rough sleeping on the streets. After crossing paths with a Christian homeless ministry and reading the literature they shared, Neil’s friend became a Christian and insisted that Neil read the New Testament. After praying for Neil, his friend left, leaving Neil and the Bible verses alone.
Growing up in a bohemian community in Cheshire, where everything goes, Neil was familiar with spirituality. Although he wasn’t sure about the existence of a capital-G, God, he was pretty sure that there was something (or someone) out there. It was with this same spirit that Neil began reading the New Testament and instantly saw how profound the words were. The Gospel had made such an impression on him that he began using verses as lyrics in his songs.
Matthew 11:28 weighed heavily on Neil’s soul: “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Neil felt weary and burdened, and his need for rest increased exponentially overnight when, years after coming off the street and getting married, his 2-year-old daughter was diagnosed with cancer. The news sent Neil into a tailspin, once again needing to escape a reality he didn’t feel equipped to deal with. He relapsed, severely.
Retrospectively, Neil can see that God used his relapse to reveal the inherent selfishness of sin: here was his daughter, suffering and scared, needing him to help her be brave, and here he was, focusing on his need for drugs. Neil had a choice: run away or step up. Crying out for God, Neil chose to step-up and put his daughter first, if only God would give him the strength, and show him how.
For years, Neil had been observing his wife’s relationship with God, and this observation increased as they sat by their daughter’s hospital bed. The diagnosis has sent Neil running back to his old life, to try and cope, but Neil’s wife sank to her knees and began to pray. And she wasn’t the only one; every day, members of the congregation came to pray with them, giving Neil a taste of God’s loving faithfulness.
Watching these Christians live out their faith made Neil realise that he didn’t know how to love or take care of those around him, and he wanted to know how. So, he began reading the Bible and going to church, and it occurred to him that he also didn’t know how to take responsibility for his past actions, but he wanted to know how.
Neil wanted to live out Romans 12:2: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” And renew his mind, God certainly did. Neil found the strength to stop following destructive patterns because he no longer wanted to escape; God gave him the desire to be accountable, to be present, and to be dependable. When he was in the thick of his addiction, Neil was so focused on acquiring drugs that he walked through life with blinkers on. He remembers the joy he felt when, for the first time in years, his ears perked up at birdsong and he noticed beautiful flowers. Finally, Neil could see why Jesus died, because the world is a beautiful place. His life had felt utterly meaningless until Jesus claimed him, saying, “You’re mine”.
Today, Neil wouldn’t describe himself as an addict but as a child of God. Yes, there are areas where addictive patterns could crop up, but addiction is no longer an idol for him or a definitional feature. No, he is a sinner saved by Christ. He is a man made new. His story is an incredible one in how dramatically his life changed, but his life also poses an important question for us, the observers: are there patterns of behaviour in my life born from the need to escape something? If yes, do I have the courage to ask for God’s help?
It wasn’t until Neil’s daughter faced death that he realised that he had spent years trying to avoid responsibility. He took any drug he was offered if it meant that he could get high and forget the reality of his situation. He didn’t want to acknowledge that he didn’t know how to love; forgetting is so much easier. But in facing that fear, look at what he has gained and how he has gone on to help others, now especially as a support worker at Renewal North West.
We all have the opportunity to die with Christ and arise as new creations. Neil, and so many others, are proof of this. Neil spent years dead inside, a broken man who was destroying himself, and who couldn’t change on his own. We are all capable of the transformation he underwent, as Jesus claimed us all on Calvary, and declared, “you’re mine”.
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